It's been a year...

E has recently turned two and I'm expecting number two.  After going through a bout of clinical anxiety and depression last fall I began to re-evaluate how I deal with life and unexpected death.  After recovering from a brief mental episode I felt I was ready to move forward and begin trying to have baby #2.  We quickly conceived in our first month of trying in July 2011 and after two perfect sonograms I was convinced that the baby was meant to be.  Sadly, I went to my 11 week sonogram with my mom and our baby had died.  I was scheduled for another D&C in September and went through a horrific time. Not only had I lost my baby, but my grandfather, Daddy Hayes, passed away just two weeks prior. In an effort to uplift everyone's mood at his funeral I shared my 8.5 week ultrasound picture.  The news of the baby's impending arrival was also mentioned in his obituary. It was, in my mind, supposed to be a reconciliation. The death of my grandfather renewed with the life of my baby. Life is not that simple I suppose and just two weeks after his death I was given a second blow that the baby was gone.

Fortunately, after the losses I managed pretty well.  I managed to keep my head focused on what's important... my family...my 2 year old love E.  I became engrossed in cooking and baking and I managed to pick up my camera again from time to time, something I love doing dearly. My husband and I decided to try again for baby #2 again and to our surprise we became pregnant after our first try.  I found out this past Monday just before Thanksgiving.  I am due in Aug 2012.  We decided to announce our news to my parents and sister on Thanksgiving day.  We are glad for them to know and couldn't live without their support should this baby not make it.  I'm 4 weeks pregnant and for the first time feel like I just have to let life do what it will. In the past I have obsessed over twinges or lack of symptoms, but so far not this time.  I've been through it before, I survived and I will hopefully not have to go back to that dark place again.  I will end this post with a picture of E and Daddy Hayes that I took about a year ago.  We miss you Daddy Hayes, take care of my babies. Love you all forever...

Evan's 1st Birthday

Whew!  One party down and one to go. Even though his official birthday is on November 12th we had his 1st birthday on November 6th.  He's having another one next weekend with extended family. What a lucky kid!  The party was great, the moonwalk/bounce house was a necessity for the kids eating all that sugar. I'm so glad we decided to rent one. I hope that E-pie will enjoy looking back at these pictures one day. I only wish he could remember it all. Guess that's what pictures are for...right?

Oreo Pops

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Cheeks Magee

Cupcakes!

E's Giant Cupcake

Two years ago.

It's amazing what changes can take place in two years time. It was just two years ago on Halloween day that we found out that our June baby was not meant to be. The bleakest moment was searching the ultrasound screen for a flickering heartbeat and finding only darkness in its place. All hopes of what could be, what should be were gone. I can vaguely remember calling my mom and gasping through tears to tell her the grand baby-to-be was lost. 

October 31, 2008 was the hardest day of my life. My husband and I had plans to go to my sister's for a Halloween party later that evening and too afraid to be home with our fears and pain we decided to dress up and go. I don't remember most of the party. Just sadness. I do remember driving home from my sister's and the song "Wild Horses" came on. I completely lost it. The tears that I had been holding back for hours in front of friends and family had been held back too long. They flowed and  I didn't think they would ever stop. I can distinctly remember falling to the floor in pain when we got home. My husband terrified by my pain and stricken with his own sat with me and held me until I could calm myself.

The days following are hazy at best, but eventually I started to build strength from our grief and held on to the encouraging thoughts that some day we would have a baby to love.

Now two years later I have my baby to love and what a difference two years can make.  I love you E-Pie. I love you soooo much! Happy Halloweenie my sweet boy!

A few firsts...

Today we went to a Fall Festival that I had anticipated taking E to for last few weeks of course before we could get there....

Fortunately E woke up and was ready to explore...

 First Train Ride!

                   
 

 First snow cone! Not your typical fall festival treat, but hey it's Texas and it's hot!

 

 

First petting zoo and only one chicken lost a few feathers in E's death grip. Those poor animals.

Cake Pops and Wine

Last weekend was a perfect opportunity to try my hand at making cake pops.  I called up my sister and a friend and invited them over for a cake pop making/wine drinking night.  I must say that they turned out much better than I expected.Armed with a little confidence I think I'm going to make them for E's birthday in two weeks.
 
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 Cake Pops

                   

And with the left overs we made cake balls...

                 

Transformer Invite I made using MTC and my Cricut.

My good friend's 4 year old son is having a Transformer party this weekend so I decided to make him a Transformer birthday card. I found a file on Google images and brought into MTC and pixel traced it. Then I broke into two layers and used the bottom layer as my shadow layer.  To give it some dimension I used small foam squares to make it stand out. 

Evan's 1st Birthday Invitations are here!

They finally arrived and I am so happy with them! I created the invites in Photoshop Elements (PSE) using Lettering Delights graphics I purchased on the Dollar Deal days.  I had them printed  by Vistaprint.com and I am very pleased with the way they turned out.  The color in person is exactly like it looks on the computer screen. I was a little concerned with that much color printing poorly, but alas I received them in the mail on Monday and they look perfect (to me).  What do you think?