It's amazing what changes can take place in two years time. It was just two years ago on Halloween day that we found out that our June baby was not meant to be. The bleakest moment was searching the ultrasound screen for a flickering heartbeat and finding only darkness in its place. All hopes of what could be, what should be were gone. I can vaguely remember calling my mom and gasping through tears to tell her the grand baby-to-be was lost.
October 31, 2008 was the hardest day of my life. My husband and I had plans to go to my sister's for a Halloween party later that evening and too afraid to be home with our fears and pain we decided to dress up and go. I don't remember most of the party. Just sadness. I do remember driving home from my sister's and the song "Wild Horses" came on. I completely lost it. The tears that I had been holding back for hours in front of friends and family had been held back too long. They flowed and I didn't think they would ever stop. I can distinctly remember falling to the floor in pain when we got home. My husband terrified by my pain and stricken with his own sat with me and held me until I could calm myself.
The days following are hazy at best, but eventually I started to build strength from our grief and held on to the encouraging thoughts that some day we would have a baby to love.
Now two years later I have my baby to love and what a difference two years can make. I love you E-Pie. I love you soooo much! Happy Halloweenie my sweet boy!